Friday, December 31, 2010

Reflections of my self and of the New Year dawning!

It is actually quite interesting how we all get into a hub bub over the "resolution" thing ...some of us either jump on the band wagon or completely off when it comes to the "new year's resolution"! I am one that tends to see it as a fresh start..plus since it is after the holidays and no sports for the kids and before yard work of spring,I actually have the time and energy to launch something new or for renewing something that I have neglected! I love winter...it is my favorite time of the year. I have time for art, time for home improvement and also time for self improvement! On January 7th i will be celebrating 5 years of being smoke free....i didn't hit the new Years day mark that year..but i figure one week off, in the long run won't make much of a difference! So that was a definite successful promise to myself that year!

So on to this years promise to myself....Like i did with quitting smoking, i have been researching and gearing up for making yet another effort at losing all of this extra weight..45 pounds from the last two babies and then another 40 from quitting smoking~! this time though, i am coming with a new approach. Rather than feeling bad and berating myself over it all, I joined an online inspiration site called Inner Weight Loss...and through the lessons that I downloaded and through daily inspirational messages, i am learning to be kind to myself...to treat my poor self with more love and am trying to separate my feelings of self worth from my actual physical size and shape..for me a very hard thing to do. I realized something just today...that I quit smoking as a kindness to myself. I didn't want to die from it, i was tired of trying to hide just to get a quick hit, always planning the next cigarette, getting nervous if it wasn't happening. Not to mention the stink. I researched for several months before hand on the best ways to quit and found the perfect method for myself..i wish i could find the website to share...it had the best advise! Once i came to the decision to really finally do it...that is exactly what i did..no looking back~! However, i unknowingly (at the time)traded one vice for another...my wine..and when i broke out in hives a couple of years ago, my cocktails which wield even higher calories!

So here i am...i finally have convinced myself that these cocktails that i find sooo tasty can be put on hold for a few short months until my behind shrinks back into a more acceptable size. I love myself. I love how I look and feel when i can fit into my 6's and 8's, I love how my body can move effortlessly carrying only 140 lbs instead of 85 more than that...i am sure my knees and feet will like it much better too! So out of love for myself..and my desire to once again feel good about how I look, i am embarking on this journey of shedding pounds once again~! I just started reading a book called " A Course in Weight loss" Well, i read lesson one...and realized that just maybe the adage of excess weight being a protective devise is probably true...when i read through this exercise i recognized many issues that i have hidden deep within...so I am seeing this as a journey not only as physical weight loss but also emotional baggage weightloss....so here is to a New Year and to taking care of me..inside and out....and most of all treating my self with love! I deserve it...i take care of my family, my hubby my 6 kids...now it is my turn....and I know if I am the best i can be..i will also be the best mom to the kids and lover to my man!

So a profound moment..a bit more serious than I intended..but i am actually looking forward to this journey of self love and self improvement...Happy new Year to every one that reads this..and those who don't...God Bless and have a wonderful wonderful New Year

Lesson One....from my Inner Weight Loss; surround yourself with visions of what you want to be....Here is mine:I was 28 in this picture...probably a mere 128 pounds maybe even less. I don't really want to be this tiny....but this sweet girl is still in here....waiting for herself to love herself...but look..here I am at 45..a bit round but still worthy of love..silly woman! let's do this for Us...me myself and I!
and here is my official starting weight picture..i have to stop myself from looking at it and going bleh....all of me at 225 pounds...yup I am going to tell you....225 pounds of lovable me...so now...it is time to get it back into smaller jeans. I am happy to report though after 48 hours of Medical Weight Loss program..i am already almost 5 pounds closer....yay for getting a head start on my New Years resolution!

I have read many weight loss blogs and have found shared journey's to be inspiring and so helpful! To know i am not alone in this sort of battle is comforting..so maybe, just maybe one person might find my sharing helpful as well!
Namaste and Happy New Year to all of my beautiful friends out there!
xoxox
angela

5 comments:

Joanne Huffman said...

Good luck on your journey, Angela. I think you're fine looking as you are, but I know you'll be happier as you lose the weight you want to lose.

Cindy aka HappyStamper said...

Good luck! You can do it!
I'm right there with you. I was a 110lb size 6 in my 20's, weighed 145 after my last baby (who is now 19!), and added another 40 on top of that. I don't want to be a size 6 again because that was really too thin for my height but my goal is to get back into size 10.

HappyStamper aka Sealion aka Cindy

Frogwarts said...

Good luck Angela. I liked your insightful blog article. Also read it to Carol.
Happy New Year love you dad

Frogwarts said...

Good luck Angela. I liked your insightful blog article. Read it to Carol.
Happy New Year
love dad

Judy Streger said...

Hi Angela, You are an amazing and courageous woman. I know you'll meet your goal and I'll be here rooting for you all the way. Happy New Year Hugs, Judy